Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Drunk is a universal language darling
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
