just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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