SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize