So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
