Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
