I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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