oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
