I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
