So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
