I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
