Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
