my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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