If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
