your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
