nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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