All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well I just put wine in my tea
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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