awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
