I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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