Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
