May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
