I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
