i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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