This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
