I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
