The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
