Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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