Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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