don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
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