his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize