I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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