He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
