If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
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