hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
