I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
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