...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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