Everything about him screamed your future.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
