Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Randomize
