he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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