I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
