I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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