I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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