I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just gift wrapped bread.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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