If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
