I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
