final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
