Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
