WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I AM VODKA MAN
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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