My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
