even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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