i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
only you would photoshop your dick
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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