That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize