4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
