I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
