I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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