i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
