i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
