Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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