Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
