Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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