Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
