We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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