So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
