She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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