the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
do nipples grow back?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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