Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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