I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
The adults are the big ones right?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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