woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize