I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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