just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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