4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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