I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
