You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize