this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
