how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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