after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
