I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
