i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
