haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize