watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
