11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
