my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Randomize
