I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
This house was built for laser tag.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize