It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
