don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
