Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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