So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
