Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
