I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
