Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
