WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize