wat bout pragnant strippers??
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
