i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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