Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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