JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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