Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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