bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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