There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
