Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
