How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize