don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We have started to decorate penises.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
