how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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