She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
